300: Rise of an Empire:
Synopsis – A prequel, interquel, and sequel to 300, Rise
of an Empire sees the Greeks who are left struggle against God King Xerxes
and his armies. Also some badass lady who is super smart and cool and EVIL.
Starring - Sullivan Stapleton,
Eva Green, Lena Headey, Rodrigo Santoro, a
bunch of ripped dudes and topless ladies and… children... yeah.
How can a movie be so entertaining and yet so incredibly
mediocre? I liked 300, but not enough to ever watch it a second time.
Now, after seeing the sequel, I am kind of jonesing to see it again only so I
can compare it to what I just saw. Rise of Cobra an Empire had me
doubled over with laughter sometimes. The ridiculousness of the violence and
plotting and acting is so bat shit crazy that I could not help but enjoy
myself. But let me put this up front: This is not a movie I will watch again. I
mean, yeah, if some friends are getting together and they want to watch it I’m
not going to run out of the room screaming, I just mean it isn’t joining my DVD
collection. It is like a summer blockbuster without the PG-13 friendliness but
just as much dumbitude. Does that sound like a movie you would like? You
probably will. Breakdown:
What I Liked:
-Everything effect-wise was glorious to look at. I know a
lot of people hate the over use of CGI blood movies like this are known for,
but it doesn’t bother me. Everything is of course overdone, from the slow-mo
fighting to the slow-mo walking to the slow-mo swimming. The effects and
over-the-topness is the only real reason to see the movie.
-Death by horse. ‘Nuff said.
What I Didn’t Like:
-The story features A LOT of time jumping. Like I said in
the synopsis, this is a prequel interquel sequel, so the film keeps moving all
over time, spending the most of it in the interquel position. It’s confusing,
and I can only assume it was an attempt on the film makers to stay true to the
material it was based on. I mean, they weren’t trying to smart it up were they?
Don’t they know their audience (people like me)?
-Holy shite there are some ridiculous story bits in this
movie. I found almost all of them hilarious, therefore entertaining, but it
wasn’t good. Bad film makers! I don’t want to go into too much detail here, I
will just mention one bit: A sex scene so stupid it makes the one in Watchmen seem
practically sane.
What I Hated:
-The attempt of the film makers to keep this movie directly
connected to the first movie was understandable, but if anything dragged down
the movie it was those moments. Bringing back the hunchback? Bad idea, he’s
ugly and dumb. Showing the messenger from the first movie in a role that makes
him seem really disproportionately important to the plot? WHAT WERE THEY
THINKING? Was this all in the Xerxes book? I guess I’ll never know because I
don’t want Frank Miller to get any of my money for comics.
-Maybe this is just me but, and I can’t believe I’m saying this;
Sullivan Stapleton has zero charisma compared to Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler
and charisma… what is wrong with the world!?!?
Verdict:
This movie is stupid, but it still managed to entertain the
hell out of me. My suggestion is that if you think you are going to enjoy 300:
Rise of an Empire, go see it now while it is in theaters and be overwhelmed by
the effects. At home, I doubt very much this movie will have any impact.
Alternate Titles:
300 2 (deuce)
301 Spartans (inaccurate)
300: Oh, so the Greeks could fight even though you made fun
of them in the first movie?
300: Eva Green shouldn’t wear makeup that accentuates her
eyes so much
300: Has two women main characters, but still fails the
Bechdel test
Good review Joel. All so very dumb, but still pretty fun if you know what to expect going in. Heck, same could be said about the first one, although that one is clearly a bit better.
ReplyDeleteThanks man. I'm going to have to watch that first one again, but I have feeling I might regret it.
ReplyDelete